Torihada Minoru

Thought I'd write a bit about some comedians I like over here. Actually I'm not sure if comedian is the right way to describe this guy though...

I'm not sure how to classify him. I want to say 'comedian' but I don't think anyone is sure when he is serious and when he is joking. His main 'act' is a parody of Japanese ultra-rightwingers (called 'Uyoku' here). Uyoko drive around in this big black buses blaring the national anthem and shouting things like "Loyalty to the Empire" and other fun stuff. So Torihada drives around in a small van yelling things that make little sense... He has even been known to stand out in Tokyo and Osaka with a loud speaker giving 'campaign speeches.' But the funniest thing is that despite all his nonsense and outrageous monologues, people on the right and left actually take him seriously. Torihada means 'goose bumps' by the way.

He has also appeared in a few movies, namely: Space Police (his latest, haven't seen it yet), Tanaka Hiroshi no Subete, Bikyaku Meiro, and his greatest Getting Wild with Our Monkey, in which he plays a flaming gay recluse.

Mike Rogers has a great page about him too.

His suit is covered in kanji, which is also a parody of the 'Uyoku' here who often wear clothes with political statements or things like 'the soul of Yamato,' roughly equivalent to a guy wearing a 'Don't Tread on Me' T-shirt in the U.S. Torihada's sleave lists the days of the week...

Here's a sample of a campaign speech I translated into English:

This morning I awoke to find four oranges beside my pillow.
Hmmm... It's summer already I thought, and when I finished eating all four of them,
I jumped out of my futon.
42 years old, mod raptor,*
and self-styled bird trainer.
I am a member of the Communist Party of Japan and I like fruit.
I work from 8:00 in the morning to 8:00 in the evening at the bread factory,
and during my break I hold Amway meetings to recruit new members.
Once a month on my day-off, I beat the crap out of Sokagakkai members.
President of the Japanese Boomerang Association,
Torihada Minoru, 42.
I reside in a public housing development.
I can't keep up with the assembly line at work and am a Kuroyume* fan.
Walking around in Waikiki suits me,
and I only use Rappa no Mark*
Yamazaki Bread, American Football captain,
This is Torihada minoru, 42.
I've been taking Dolphin therapy for five years now,
was born premature and raised in a capsule.
I am also on welfare.
I have nothing really to say,
a politician without a message.
But I'm good at introducing myself and
am trying to improve my reputation.
I'm endorsed by the top breeders.
Torihada minoru, 42,
night-blind quarterback.
The artist I respect the most is Daisaku Ikeda.
My favorite actresses are Keiko Matsuzaka and Kayo Matsuo
My favorite saying is "Nothing but a drop in the bucket."
When I jump on my trampoline, I get dizzy.
At the Yamazaki Bread Factory, I am chief of the sandwich section,
in charge of the pickles.
Ah, making sandwiches is harder then it looks doesn't it!
Dammit I said TWO cucumbers!
Do that bread with jam over again!
There is no bread that I can't handle!
Listen, this is my career buddy.
I ain't no part-timer!
You little brats... you think you're so smart don't you?

It is now time for me to return to work.

*Raptor- I think this refers to the Hawks, which conservative politicians are sometimes referred to (?)
*Kuroyume- Japanese punk band
*Rappa no Mark- stommache medicine

The Resurrection

Yes another chop-full-of-fun-topic: the Resurrection.
(For those of you who don't know, that's Resurrection of of Christ.)
I read this book recently about the the subject so I thought I'd write some thoughts I had on the subject. The book was a debate between two ministers (well one is an ex-minister. Guess which one!) One took the conventional position that to claim to be Christian you are required to believe that Christ rose from the dead in the flesh three days after his Crucifiction. The other says that it doesn't matter.

When I first started reading it was - of course it matters! That's THE central teaching of Christianity! But as I read on my view changed. I find myself agreeing now with the second man.

(Most) Christians I think realize that His Resurrection cannot be proved. The idea is that it requires faith. In other words if I have faith that God is all-powerful, and if He truly is all-powerful, than something like the Resurrection is not so unreasonable. Which is fine I guess, but this opens up a bigger issue: what is faith?

I think many people tend to see faith as just a stubborn belief of something regardless of empirical facts. If this is all faith is than whats the difference between believing in aliens and believing in God. Well, I guess some would argue that there isn't, but I think there is a big difference. Faith is not just about believing that something happened or not. Its not about probability. Its about how you live your life. Its about trust and gratitude.

Is whether the Resurrection, or His miracles for that matter, REALLY happened even important? Before we ask that question we need to ask why did it even happen? What does it mean?

If I just believed that the even happened and do not take what it means to heart, I wouldn't be a very good Christian. That's the difference between religion and aliens. Believing in aliens (I do believe in them by the way...) stops at believing that they exist. It doesn't alter the way I live my life. I don't place trust or hope in them, I don't thank them for my own existence, and the can't save my soul.

Believing in God means that I place complete trust in Him and that He is the Lord of all creation. So... in that sense it IS completely reasonable that He became human and rose from the dead. But so what? He could have come down as a three-legged dwarf and commanded everyone eat their hair. But He didn't. What He did means something.

Personally I do believe it happened. Why not? But I no longer think its important. The stories of the Bible there to show us a world that you can't just express as facts and statements. The Resurrection story expresses many things: God's unconditional love for us, the union of body and soul, and leaving behind our old life to live a new life with God.

The Bible says a lot of things. Do I believe all of them REALLY happened? No. Do I believe that the human race started with Adam and Eve? No. But I also don't believe its just an enjoyable story. It tells us something important about ourselves - that we are by nature weak, and something about God - that He created the world and we owe Him thanks.

The Zen of Towels

Just as I promised, I'm going to talk about towels today.

If there is one thing I'v learned about Japanese culture in the 8 year I've been here is that Japanese people really like towels. Especially old people. It came to my attention after our son was born. Just like in the US, a lot of people gave us gifts. But here there's a catch... You have to give something back, generally something around half the cost of the gift they gave you.

So anyway, after we got the first batch of presents my wife says,
" We have to get them towels!"
"Why towels?" I ask.
"You gotta give them towels! My god man its a TOWEL for Christ's sake! Old people love towels! "

Something like that anyway. And apparently they do. Its not just that reverse baby gift either. About twice a year companies send each other and their customers towels. Towels are exchanged in new years and again in the summer, and well basically every time someone gives you something.

But with all these towels being exchanged, what do people do with them? Are they just being recycled? Its a mystery even in our house. Towels we get I never see again, and new towels seem to appear from nowhere.

And somewhat unrelated, I can never seem to use the towels we have correctly. Every time I try to use a towel, I'm told its the wrong one.
(something is spilled) "Thats the hand-washing-towel!"
or "That's the hand-drying-towel!"
or "You can't use that its the chair-which-has-been-dowsed-in- honey towel!"
or "That's the evil-clown-towel!"
And so forth.

More Baby Stuff

Sorry, more anecdotes about our alienbaby...
My mom sent me the old mobile I used to have above my crib.
So I immediately set it up for our kid. Of course, since we have
a futon and not a crib I had to attach it to the bookcase at the head of the futon.
He seems to really love it, now that he's just starting to be able to follow things with his eyes.
No matter how may times I rewind it and play it, he just stares at it wide-eyed and every once in a while
gives sort of a surprised laugh.
I wonder what is going through his head...

"Oh my god its a blue bird! And a yellow one! A blue one again! There's so many of them! Where are they going!
My rooms going to be filled with color birds! Holy $%&!!

Probably something like that.

First Two Months

Well its been almost two months since Eli was born so I thought I'd write a bit about what it like and all that stuff.
I almost wrote "what fatherhood is like" but it still seems weird referring to myself as a father. It honestly still hasn't
sunk in totally. Every once in a while it suddenly pops in my head, 'hey! I'm a dad!' One thing I can say though is that before he was born I was worried that I wouldn't have time to do the things that I wanted anymore. And well, I don't, but it doesn't seem to bother me. I haven't even really thought about it. Maybe part of it is just sleep deprivation (I sort of remember what a full nights sleep is like...) but its actually fun to have a kid. Except when he cries. Then I'm like dude stop crying! But does he stop? No. What the %&#%?

But we're getting used to that too. The first few weeks we both freaked out every time he cried. "What the $&# do we do! What's wrong with him!" I think we finally realized that crying doesn't mean he's going to die or something.

Here's some general observations I've had:
1. Your own child really is the cutest child on Earth.
2. I always repeat for some reason any sound he makes.
3. Japanese people really like towels (more on that next time).
4. Babies are really really heavy.
5. I don't know any children's songs (so I've been singing him Tom Waits. This doesn't really count as an observation does it...)
6. Baby pooh isn't that gross (not yet anyway)
7. Diapers are harder to change than they look.
8. Giving a baby a bath is harder than it looks. (But maybe thats just because Eli moves so much! It's like the kid is constantly trying run, laying down)

Next week: Towels!

I love Slayer

Spring is finally here and the weather is wonderful, and our alien baby should be born any minute know (literally actually).
So I started thinking about how much I really love Slayer. I mean, I really do love Slayer. How could you not? They are the epitemy of all that is metal. I'm pretty sure that deep down everyone really likes Slayer. Did you know that even Tori Amos covered one their songs? Who knows who else is a secret Slayer fan. I bet even the Pope likes them.

Of all the things that can't be depended on in this world, I know I can always depend on them. If I buy an album I know I will hear the words blood, death, antichrist and hatred -- most likely in the same song. Somebody should put together a little program to create random Slayer lyrics. How about something like this -- "bloody death, sacred anarchy, putrid stains of hatred." Sounds pretty Slayer to me.

Yeah I know they're anti-religious (except for that anti-abortion song they had, "Silent Scream". What the hell was that about?!) but it just wouldn't metal if if wasn't, and it definitely wouldn't be Slayer.

Just one more month!

Well it's only one more month till the due date and we got everything we can ready for the alien baby. A new dresser, child seat, etc. The shopping part was kind of fun. So we just sit back, relax, and worry about stuff. Honestly though it doesn't seem quite real yet though... I guess thats normal for a guy though. I mean the woman has this thing growing in her for 9 months or so, while we just watch really. I assume it will feel real once its actually born. Unless it really is an alien, then I suppose it will take a little longer.

It is apparently going to be a big baby. And if its a boy i think we'll name him Eli. What do you think? We haven't decided if its a girl. If it is a sexless alien then Xrblixs.

By the way, I finally gave in a rented X-men 3. It was total crap. Why on earth did they fxxk it up so bad.